In an unprecedented pre-election move, honorary doctor Harriet Harman, in her position as second in command, has apologised to half the human race. She said her campaigns against equality for men were part of an elaborate series of feminist tests, designed to probe men’s natural resilience regarding love for women.
“In order to know, one has to test”, said professor Harman; adding, “And men’s love for women has been tested to near incredulity, with draconian laws designed to undermine the very basis of humanity itself, to wit, the destruction of the natural heterosexual family, and removing the opportunity for him to support it by means of gainful employment. I am pleased to say that the feminist experiment came to an end at midnight, after forty long years, with the final conclusive proof that men’s love for women is beyond corruption; a corollary of which is the fact that I am able to draw breath, despite men knowing where I live and work.”
Nobel laureate Harman concluded, before a dumb struck audience composed entirely of members of the campaign group ‘Women Demand Eternal Life’, saying: “On behalf of women everywhere, I am sincerely sorry for the inconvenience that the feminist experiment may have caused some men. In way of compensation, all those falsely accused of misogyny will receive free fellatio on the NHS. Further I’m going to tender my resignation, have all my teeth removed, and enrol as a trainee nurse.”
She then glanced at her watch, muttering “Damn, its p.m.”, before being driven away at high speed, with a heavily armed escort of the 1st SS Division Leibstandarte Adolf Hitler.